The Power of Self-Compassion

A person in a white shirt places one hand over the other on their chest.

Life gets hard sometimes. Can we be kind to ourselves when it matters the most?

Imagine getting a call from a close friend.

“Hey,” you say, picking up the phone. “How are you?”

“Terrible,” she replies, her voice shaky with emotion. “You know Sam, the guy I’ve been dating? He broke up with me last night. I finally opened up to him after being hurt in my last relationship, and now… I’m devastated.”

What would you say to her? Would you criticize her for being vulnerable, blame her for the breakup, or tear her down about her looks? Of course not. You would listen, offer comfort, and remind her that she deserves kindness and love, especially in such a difficult moment.

Yet, when faced with our own struggles, many of us are much harsher. Instead of responding with compassion, we engage in harsh self-criticism. We replay our mistakes and shortcomings, often in a voice much crueler than we would ever use with someone we care about. But is this self-criticism helping us, or is it making things worse? And, most importantly, how can we start being kinder to ourselves in moments when we need it most?

Let’s explore what self-compassion really is, why it’s so crucial, and how we can begin practicing it in our own lives.

What Is Self-Compassion?

Two people in knitted sweaters are touching hands.

At its core, self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a close friend. It involves acknowledging that life is tough sometimes and that we all stumble. In moments of difficulty, self-compassion allows us to forgive our mistakes, show patience with our flaws, and offer ourselves care and tenderness.

People who practice self-compassion demonstrate three key behaviors: they are kind rather than judgmental toward their own mistakes, they recognize that failure is a shared human experience, and they approach negative emotions with balance—they allow themselves to feel the pain but don’t let it overwhelm them. At its core, self-compassion is rooted in having a positive relationship with oneself. 

Debunking Myths About Self-Compassion

Many people mistakenly believe that being compassionate toward ourselves is the same as being self-indulgent, lets ourselves off the hook and makes us less motivated. But true self-compassion is about taking care of ourselves in a wise and nurturing way.

First, self-compassion is not self-indulgence. Self-compassion doesn’t mean giving in to every desire, like having that extra bowl of ice cream just because we want it. Just as a caring parent encourages their child to make healthy choices, practicing self-compassion means acting in our best interest—even when it’s difficult. 

Next, self-compassion does not make us less responsible. It is not letting ourselves off the hook for the mistakes we have made. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. When we are kind to ourselves, we’re more likely to take responsibility for our actions because we feel safe enough to admit our mistakes without drowning in shame.

Lastly, self-compassion doesn’t diminish motivation—it enhances it. When we treat ourselves with understanding and care, we’re more likely to bounce back from failure, take risks, and pursue goals without fear of judgment. Self-compassion reduces procrastination and performance anxiety, allowing us to perform better, not worse.

Self-Criticism and Mental Health Struggles

A woman sits at a table with a laptop and holds her face in her hands, appearing stressed. A reusable coffee cup is next to the laptop. Large windows are in the background.

When life gets tough, many of us fall into the trap of self-criticism. Imagine tripping and falling, and instead of getting up, you stand there berating yourself for being clumsy. That’s what self-criticism does—it kicks us when we’re down, making it harder to recover and move forward. But where does this harsh inner voice come from?

Self-criticism often develops early in life from critical parenting, an overemphasis on achievement, or a lack of unconditional validation. When love and approval are tied to success, we internalize the belief that our worth depends on meeting certain standards. As we face challenges and fall short, this automatic self-criticism can lead to mental health struggles such as anxiety, depression or imposter syndrome, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

Self-compassion is the antidote to this destructive cycle. By offering ourselves kindness and understanding, we begin to heal the wounds caused by years of self-criticism. Self-compassion allows us to acknowledge our humanity and mistakes without judgment, fundamentally changing how we relate to ourselves and fostering emotional resilience.

How Counselling Can Help

If you lack self-compassion and struggle with self-criticism, it may be time to reach out for support. Counselling can help you break the cycle of self-judgment and develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself. By working through the root causes of your self-criticism—whether they stem from past trauma, low self-esteem, or childhood experiences—you can begin to change the way you relate with yourself.

At Awaken Counselling, we’re here to help. Through a compassionate and supportive therapeutic process, we can guide you toward self-compassion and healing. If you’re feeling weighed down by self-criticism or struggling to offer yourself the kindness you deserve, don’t hesitate to contact us. Let’s take that first step together toward a kinder, more compassionate you.

Written by Joanna.

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