Miscarriages are common – more common than what most people think. 1 in 2 fertilized eggs die spontaneously, without the woman even realizing that she had been pregnant. And among women who are expecting, 1 out of 4 will miscarry within the first three months.
A woman suffering from a miscarriage will have to undergo physical and mental healing. While much effort has been focused on the former, little attention has been paid to the latter. Upon learning that she had a miscarriage, the first question that will arise is “WHY”. In many cases, medical science will not be able to offer a definitive answer. Without this, the women often end up feeling responsible and guilty towards the loss. Their minds go through a series of self-blaming assertions: “If only I had been eating enough despite my nausea”; “If only, I did not drink that last glass of alcohol before I knew that I was pregnant”; “If only, I did not tell people I’m pregnant until after the first trimester”. If only…the list goes on.
It doesn’t make it easier when this devastating loss is unnoticeable to friends and family. The emotional pain lingers even when the physical health has been fully restored. Well intended advice to “get over it” may further echo the need to mourn for the loss. Despite you trying hard to get back to your feet again, you notice your mind is always running through the reverie of your lost child: Who will you be? How will you look? Who will you become?
If you are resonate with this article, it is perfectly normal and understandable. It is because for many women, the attachment with the child begins at conception. Connection is formed at the moment we discover the pregnancy, at the moment where we can say: “You are my baby, and I’m your mother”. The pregnancy loss can’t simply be dismissed because of the depth of the connection that you have shared with your child.